What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 00:13
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She was in good health!
I think the readers, may guess!
Chrysler Is 100 Years Old, and It's 'Back On,' Stellantis Design Boss Gilles Says - Road & Track
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
When she asked me how she looked .
Why is Roblox so laggy it’s unplayable? My computer is fine and the internet is great.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So, i spoilt her more .
SpaceX fires up Super Heavy booster ahead of Starship's 10th test flight (video) - Space
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But, we were locked up after school.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Does being poor build better character than being born rich?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
What To Expect In Wednesday's Report On Inflation - Investopedia
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Several people killed in school shooting in Austria's second biggest city, police say - NBC News
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Weight stigma isn’t just cruel — it makes losing weight harder - CNN
I waited trembling.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
'Strawberry Moon' 2025: June's full moon is about to break an annual record - Live Science
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Do most narcissists have good intentions as long as you are under their control?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I have no regrets .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And i lived it daily.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I write beautiful poetry .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We all went to grammer schools
I was 9 years of age.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Who then, do I blame.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I will be 64.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I said to her
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
So whats the point in blame.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
What did i know ?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Was to survive, this bastard.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I don,t even have a pension.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But it wasn’t much.
I was seconnd youngest,
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Comes on , in middle age.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We were not on the streets..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Would this be the day?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She wouldn,t have been !
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He knew the spot.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One cannot live in the past .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My life is so biszare .
She found it foreign!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was very sick at this time too.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It was going to be , some day.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i do to all so called friends.?
(And it was in our own minds.)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
This is soul school!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why did i forgive my father ?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was scared of men, in general
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im still living with it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Put me off passion for life!!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My family never makes their pension either.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She married twice! .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
All the time i was locked up.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Ive learnt so much.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She loved him until the end.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)