What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 10:04
All the time i was locked up.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Are there really people who still believe the Earth is flat?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
This is soul school!.
So whats the point in blame.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was seconnd youngest,
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
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But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Was Michael Jackson really an innocent person?
My family never makes their pension either.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One cannot live in the past .
What kind of person does a narcissist hate?
He resisted the act ,that day.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
When she asked me how she looked .
In your opinion, who is the most overrated singer/band/artist in modern music history and why?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I don,t even have a pension.
Would this be the day?
Why do men choose to marry a plain Jane woman over a pretty woman?
Ive learnt so much.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
What does it mean if you dream your dad died?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
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I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She loved him until the end.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
What is one small habit that has transformed your life in unexpected ways?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
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Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It was going to be , some day.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why does my penis look like a mushroom when it gets big?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I will be 64.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Put me off passion for life!!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Comes on , in middle age.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I said to her
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was scared of men, in general
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I have no regrets .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We all went to grammer schools
Im still living with it.
Who then, do I blame.?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I could never make a relationship work though!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She was in good health!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He knew the spot.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I write beautiful poetry .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was 9 years of age.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And i lived it daily.
We were not on the streets..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was very sick at this time too.
What did i know ?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She married twice! .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My life is so biszare .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But, we were locked up after school.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
So, i spoilt her more .
She wouldn,t have been !
She found it foreign!.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I think the readers, may guess!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I waited trembling.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But it wasn’t much.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.